China Town in Singapore is Boring

Greetings,

Today I found somewhere I didn’t mind spending some time in China Town, Singapore. I moderately enjoyed China town in a trip to the dentist type way even though it was really not that different then say “China Town” in any other city of the world I’ve been in. In fact all the “tourist attractions aka tourist traps” in Singapore are pretty lousy if you ask me, down right lame!

Flip side is why do I even care about these tourist traps? Once I leave, I’ll never come back unless it is for business / work. Seriously, this place is %#%# boring and my writing has been about as inspired as a destitute, deranged and arguably diseased derelict feasting on some deer road kill on the side of 8 mile Detroit. A friend of mine has been here for 3 years and he is starting to see it, I said “what the h3ll man, I’ve been here for 5 days and I can already tell you that.” He needs a quick slap to the side of the skull with an authentic samari swords sheath .

I got there and they had a plethora of delicious Chinese delectables at prices that would put a smile and wipe away the scowl from Scrooge McDucks face. I eat lunch, near the end the lady asked “want a drum stick, $2″, I quipped “no, I’ll take the egg” she said “you cheap cheap American, you come here no spend money” to which I replied “No, I’m a cheap Canadian and I’ve spent plenty, should of caught me Friday night”. Got a good lunch for $3.40, best deal I’ve had in Singapore if there is such a thing. Ahhh good old China Town.

After that I went over to this street vendor and bought some water and my first Asian “Ice Cream Sandwich” which is a block of ice cream in a piece of multicolored bread that looks like it could be a fierce mold attack, but wasn’t. I got a chocolate chip one, vanilla anything is plain boring, it was delicious, in a “this bread looks like mold” type way.

After that the gent chilling with the vendor said “you want to smoke, come have a seat”. You can’t smoke most places so I went over, sat down and enjoyed a smoke and ~30 minutes of convo. I just sat there, chilling, chatting with “Roy” if that’s his real name, from Singapore. He told me the place was boring as sin but safe, a great way to pass a plain old “vanilla gay” lifestyle aka for people over 47.5 years of age. He filled me in on lots of stuff and for the first time I was really thinking “yes, this is what I needed here” some real contact with a normal guy who told it lke it was He has nothing to sell me and everything coming out of his mouth is real, or something like that.

He filled me on lots of stuff and basically said Singapore is great for being safe and clean but if you don’t earn $$$ here and you get sick, they will let you die. He said that is if you don’t die of boredom first. Not so cool, furthermore he filled me in on how it’s becoming increasingly hard for many people living here as a result of extremely rich players from round the globe are coming in and buying up all the real estate like overweight women nicknamed “Big Bertha” binge on big macs. Similar situation in say, Vancouver but the land mass is so different that comparing them is asinine, as a result I’ll stop here.

Told Roy I was going to Bali then maybe Borneo then hopefully Manila, he warned me about Manila and Bali as being very dangerous compared to Singapore, but everywhere is, no? In Singapore if you get caught with a gun, you get hanged. Get caught with a knife? 7 years in jail! He said in Bali they target white men for some reason(hmmm wonder why?) and that Manila and KL most people are “packing heat” of some sort. Also told me about a lady he saw smoking earlier in a “no smoking zone” throw her smoke on the ground then get busted for 2 offenses. It’s cool in a conservative I only eat vanilla icecream type way, just don’t mess around, yes?

After that found some places I could buy the few healthy things in my diet keeping me from being bed ridden in a low-end budget hotel, cheap and in single quantities.  China Town wasn’t that large and easily accessible from the Sub Way. Cruised around some more but didn’t buy anything because it’s still over-priced and I pride myself on packing light and the fact that “things” mean nothing me… When I got my $$$ changed from thai baht’s the vendor said, you should of used this to buy nice clothes in Thailand instead of that cheap white t-shirt. If I wasn’t such a gentleman, I’d tell him a few thing I thought of him but I didn’t. Okay Okay,  it is a cheap white t-shirt but think of this… When I was lost in Kuala Lumpur at night… Had I been donned in polo with a fancy watch … Wonder what would of happened? Still probably nothing as I walked like I knew where I was going and gave a severe scowl to anyone who whispered “hey friend” while avoiding back alley’s and sticking to well lite roads, for the most part.

Roy said KL isn’t that safe and when he goes there, he leaves all his gold jewelry at home. Roy didn’t work at the ice cream shop, he was just chilling and was a much older guy with horrible teeth (sorry Roy) kinda made me think I should “butt out” once and for all.

The people here are so polite it’s almost ridiculous. I’m in MacDonald’s watching these two bulging bovinesque (sic) broads from let’s say Britain plug their pie hole with a “super sized big mac combo” while waiting for the bathroom. After about ~5 minutes this little dude comes out apologizing profusely and says “I had ….” At this point I’m thinking “thanks for sharing, I didn’t think you were writing your memoirs in there” and “do I look like a subscriber to the “toilet diaries?”. Either way it was pretty sick and I didn’t go in there for it smelt something foul and I’m not talking about those birds in the photo below.

After that I took the subway home and on the way saw the “Little India” stop so obviously I got out and checked it out. If you want to buy Indian clothes to bring home, this is the place. Also had lots of grocery stores, special spices and what not.

Truth be told, neither place really “wowed me” and considering these places are mentioned in all the guide books, ha what a laugh. Guide  books make me sick and are written for people who can’t figure out what they want to do. Seriously, if you just follow some lame guide book, why not just sit at home and check out some professional photos of the place?

One thing I will note about China Town, they had some of the grossest food I have ever seen. I’m talking boiled chicken or turkey heads, feet, you name it they were eating it all. I don’t know what it was except it was foul, something fierce.

Everyone I talk to says Bali is the bomb and to NOT GO being this close, would be absurd, as a result … Looking into Bali, maybe tomorrow night or within 72 hours.

Good Day,

P.S: I’m reading my last few entries and I feel like this blog is taking a turn for the worst. I’ve gone from a guy doing what he wants to posting lame photos of played out touristy crap that I didn’t even know or care to know about before visiting. That’s going to change, if you want to look at boring stuff you’d take your family on a trip to, you’ve come to the wrong place.

Tags: China Town, Little India, Singapore