Getting Egregious in Sapa, Vietnam

Greetings,

How do I begin describing an evening so egregious I’m speechless after a most mundane day in Sapa, Vietnam?

So yeah, just chilling, kicking it but kinda low. I had been traveling with cool people for a bit and it was the first time since fracturing my forehead and kinda “doing nothing” in Hoi An for an extended period of time. As a result, I was feeling bored and it’s cold out and not many “meet people” scenarios here besides this girl I met from Canada and did lunch with, there was no chemistry.

So after a few hours chilling in my room, solo and chatting on facebook b/c you can get on it through beta . the usual, news to me, yes? I decided to roll out onto the town and get a few beers in me, why the @#@$ NOT?

I run into my boys from yesterday after drinking with these other dudes at the cheep liquor spot. I teach them English with a stern hand. Anytime the pronunciation was not 100%$ I told them, no that is not it. I also told them to be confident because they knew enough as well as practice when they are together. Speaking English = coin in this country. Anyways, the #1 rule they remembered is to add an s to make MOST things plural. The bill came and since they bought me drinks the night before, I thought this is on me. It was $5 for a few jugs.

I roll back to their crib and we eat dinner. There was this salad looking thing the girl I was traveling with was like obsessed with but never tried. She thought it was some veggie thing, WRONG. It was shaved pig ears salad, not as good as it looks, trust me. That said, still decent. Also had some random veg, rice and of course, pig insides aka intestines. I remember a nurse telling me stomach liner was the worst thing to eat regarding “if it has worms, you got worms”. I can only assume it was cooked properly.

After that we rolled to karaoke, never done it before. The English songs they had were like so old school that NO ONE who reads this would have been alive when it was cool. If you were alive when it was cool you weren’t old enough to think it was cool, we’ll just say that.

The bill came and it was ~$20US. We drank like fish and I was the one who said “ok, I’m gonna roll out and see fi the market rolls a truck over my account”. I just gave the lady $20US, it was only like $18 but she was cool and I mean… These guys do “OK” for themselves but it would have still been a decent sized bill considering rent is ~$75US. They were beyond thrilled and I was cool with it.  Slightly off topic, if you’re going to buy ANYTHING over ~$15US in these countries, go drink with some locals, find out how much they pay offer them more and get them to do the pick up. Those North Face jackets are ~$20US for locals. I paid $35 and they wanted ~$45. Think percentages people.

So I am walking to my place when I think, OK I’ll swing by that place where I drank with the owner late night the other night… I hear music just thumping. I walk in and immediately begin “getting down”. The owner was switching music and escorted me to the VIP section and said “Hey, this guy is my friend” and introduced me to one of the more prolific party persons of the group. Next thing you know I have some Kentucky Bourbon Whiskey in a very full glass and a bamboo pipe that is being filled from a massive shopping back, SICK.

I chill with them and this dude from Hong Kong. This guy looks like he will be a CEO of some Fortune 500 company, he passed out hard in these leather chairs that look like you’re in the lobby of GS for chr!$t sake… Point being, he will probably forever tell of the most egregious evening he ever has in his life, in Sapa Vietnam. We just chill out while polishing off bottles and then these English losers come in. One guy, he wouldn’t toss me a smoke (I ran out) and he has 12 left saying “I think I need them”. Dude, smokes are like $050 tops here, you #$!$ piker. Anyways then he come over as his buddy is fighting with these French dudes. I thought French dude was going to break necks, turns out he was the one who backed down in the end. Anyways…

Buddy won’t spare a smoke but asks for some of the bourbon bottle, what a stereotypical tight wad exercising a lesson in douchebaggery. Also, he was insanely effeminate but tried to act hard. I know many Brits and he did them a disservice, he was a true piker. Anyways my buddy who owns the place poured him a strong one and kinda gestured to get lost, he took the queue.

I filmed some of the argument, may put it on later. This dude shows up, oh yeah most guys left and a few people are sleeping on these leather seats and couches. this guy shows up and starts downing this bourbon faster than you’d believe. I helped him until these guys from Denmark show up. We hang out, they give me some cool music (not that I’m playing now) and anyways drink some more, have another beer. Go to say “peace out” to the owner but he was already DONE and gone home, hahaha.

These guys are funny, in Canada you like draw on drunk people. Here they lift them on top of each other so they wake up on top of another guy on a couch so they think “WTF happened last night” bahahahaha.

Anyways, we’re all creatures of habit ok? You chill with others, they leave you get low then you get back into your “solo Joe” styles and get into situations that you’d NEVER get into as a group because it’s just you and the world and all the crazy people that live in it.

We did agree on one thing. The dude who runs the joint lives by the motto “YOU NEVER DIE” and he’s right. He says, you never die, you just sleep before you awake. The dude from Hong Kong lived that lifestyle. He would be dead, like totally dead and then you nudge him a few times and he would get up dance and then pass out, ahhaha.

I feel like those gnomes will be back in my head tomorrow, how I hate them. I wonder how they will make my trip to Hanoi on a sleeper train or bus!? Hmmm……..

Tips hat,

P.S: I have searched like a freak in heat for my cables to upload pics, no clue. Oh well.