When Do You Know If It’s Love?

Love, huh? It’s complicated, isn’t it? That dizzying, thrilling feeling that makes your heart race and your thoughts scatter, but also, at times, sends you into deep confusion about whether it’s the real deal or just a passing infatuation.

You might catch yourself asking: How do I know it’s love and not just… well, a thing? This mightiest of feelings is not always obvious, especially when you’re still in the early stages, riding high on those butterflies. But how do you figure it out?

The early signs

When you first meet someone and start getting those “butterflies,” it’s hard not to wonder if it’s love. The excitement, the nervous energy, the constant thinking about them—does this mean you’ve found the one?

Well, the truth is: those feelings of instant chemistry and excitement might be more about attraction than love. At first, it’s all about novelty. You’re both learning about each other, exchanging stories, and discovering what clicks.

But love isn’t just about feeling excited; it’s about feeling deeply connected, even when the novelty wears off. If you’re still thinking about them weeks and months into the relationship and your feelings are becoming more grounded, that’s a better sign that love might be starting to bloom. 

Beyond the honeymoon

The honeymoon phase can make everything feel like a fairy tale. But after the dust settles, what happens? Do you still feel the same, or is it just a slow drift into the friend zone? Lasting love goes beyond those initial attractions.

It’s about feeling like you’ve found someone who gets you. You know, the person who can tell when you need space without you saying a word or the one who doesn’t judge you for binging the latest Netflix series at 3 a.m., but instead simply joins in.

You start to see how well you work as a team—how you handle stress together, or how the little things, like making each other’s coffee in the morning, start to matter. These are signs of a deep emotional bond, where both of you begin to invest not just in the fun moments but in supporting each other during tougher times. That’s the stuff lasting relationships are made of.

Communication and vulnerability

You can’t build something on silence or miscommunication. True love requires openness. If you’ve ever had those deep, late-night conversations where you share your fears, dreams, or past hurts, you know what I mean. Love grows when you let your walls down and let someone in—fully and honestly.

But it’s not just about spilling all your feelings. It’s about how you communicate through conflict and tough times. How do you express disagreement? Do you listen to each other’s needs and feelings? If you’re both willing to be vulnerable, to open up about your true selves and hold space for each other, you’re not building a lasting foundation.

Trust and respect

Imagine you’re in a relationship where you constantly second-guess everything—whether your partner will follow through on promises, whether you can rely on them, or whether they truly respect you. Sounds exhausting, right? Love needs trust and respect to thrive. Without these two elements, any relationship will crumble.

When you love someone, you trust them with your heart, your feelings, and your well-being. You know they’ll be there when you need them, and they’ll treat you with kindness and respect. And respect goes both ways—without it, a relationship will always be off-balance. True love is grounded in mutual admiration and the ability to rely on one another, even when life gets chaotic. For some couples, a gesture like exchanging a promise ring can be a tangible way to signify that deep, unspoken commitment, showing you both are willing to stay by each other’s side through thick and thin.

Red flags

Sometimes, what feels like love is actually infatuation—or worse, unhealthy attachment. If you’re constantly feeling anxious, doubting your worth, or dealing with manipulative behavior, those are signs to step back and assess. It should never make you feel small or powerless.

Take a moment to reflect. Are you constantly questioning whether you’re good enough? Do you feel controlled or dismissed by your partner? Real love makes you feel seen, heard, and supported—not anxious and insecure. Trust your gut—if something feels off, it’s okay to pause, reevaluate, and even walk away if necessary. Self-love and healthy boundaries are as, if not more important than, the love you share with someone else.